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Divorce And Your Health

Divorce and Health


Divorce is generally not good for your health. This is a fact that shouldn’t be hard to understand. The stress that is put on your body during this trying process can manifest in a variety of health problems including a 23% higher mortality rate. But with all things, knowledge is power and it’s important to understand the potential health risks as you navigate through the minefield.

Research from Johns Hopkins School of Public Health reveals that people living through divorce develop more chronic conditions such as diabetes and heart disease and mobility issues. This may be because when you’re depressed it’s harder to eat well, exercise and get proper rest. Remember to get that yearly physical to avoid high blood sugar, excess belly fat and high cholesterol. There are ways to control these harmful risk factors.

A recent study found that men and women who have gone through a divorce have a higher risk of developing cardiovascular disease. In fact, women that have gone through a divorce were 24% more likely to have a heart attack. The stress of divorce can lead to inflammation which in turn leads to these sometimes fatal heart issues.

Who wouldn’t be stressed and suffering anxiety when you potentially have to face new job, moving, less money, parenting alone, and just a general fear of the unknown. This stress can lead to drug abuse and/or depression. It’s important to know the warning signs and have someone you can talk to.

Make time for yourself. No matter how chaotic things get you need time to decompress. Also, why not start the process in as manageable a way as possible and go the mediation route? Stay away from two dueling, expensive lawyers and work together. The amount of stress you will avoid is worth it alone. Life is short make the best of what you have in the limited time we are allotted here on earth. Please give us a call if you would like to try the less stressful, healthier alternative to traditional divorce. divorceharmony.com

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What To Avoid In Order To Have A Smooth Divorce

Divorce

See below for an important list on what to avoid during the divorce process. As a Divorce Coach, I’ve seem that this list is quite common and my job is to help you overcome these stumbling blocks so the divorce is a success.

Using Your Emotions To Make Life Altering Decisions In Divorce

This is a big one. Breath, take a a step back. Take a look at the big picture. It’s best not to make huge decisions too quickly. Bad decisions made in the beginning of the process can set the tone for the entire journey and not in a good way. It’s my job as a divorce coach to help you realize what your ultimate goals are.

Giving Too Much Weight To The Small Things

While it’s understandably hard to be objective in your own divorce, there are certain things when looked at from a distance you would realize are not worth fighting over. Is it really worth fighting over who gets the dishes? A coach can help you gain a new perspective where you can see what’s important now and for your life moving forward.

Putting On A Brave Face When You Are Really Falling Apart

Divorce is one of the most stressful and traumatic events of one’s life. It’s important to have family and friends by your side for support but they are not neutral and usually do not have the professional capabilities to help you. That’s where a coach can come in. They can assist you in developing a smart plan to get through this uncertain time.

Wasting Your Hard Earned Money On Unnecessary Legal Expenses

Being a lawyer myself, I can confidently say they are overrated. Most of them are unnecessary and quite honestly not that smart. You have the power and ability and may not even need an attorney. Lawyers are so expensive and and oftentimes add fuel to the fire, prolonging what could have been an easy, fast, inexpensive divorce. A divorce coach can help you think more clearly and not make bad decisions regarding your legal support.

Prolonging The Misery Because Of Bad Or No Communication

How many times have we received an email or text and misinterpreted it’s meaning? With today’s technology it’s so easy to stay in touch but it’s also easy to get mixed or incorrect messages. One of the best ways I’ve seen my clients move forward with their divorces is by learning to communicate effectively with their exes. I can go over that email or text with you before you fire it off to your ex. Changing the tone of just one text has saved my client months of back and forth over nonsense.

For more information contact divorceharmony.com

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How Do You Know You Really Want To Get Divorced?

Making The Decision To Divorce

You’ve thought about it,

You’ve looked online,

Maybe you’ve even discussed with friends or professionals.

Maybe it’s actually your partner that is calling for a
divorce.

But this is a life changing decision and one that requires
thoughtful reflection.

Things to Consider

1. Do you still have feelings for your spouse?
Some people thinking about divorce still have feelings for their partner but a lack of communication or other issues may be pulling the relationship apart. It’s important to figure things out before proceeding with divorce. The assistance of a psychologist or other professional may be helpful.

2. Are you really ready or just threatening divorce? Many times, when we are in heated arguments with our spouse divorce is used as a threatening device out of frustration or anger and to possibly gain some kind of control over the situation. But do you really mean it? If so, realize there is no need for threats anymore. You can gain control and adjust your mindset.

3. Are you reacting to a particular situation or behavior of your spouse or have you thought about this from a non-heated place? Take a deep breath and access everything when you are calm. Deciding to divorce is a heavy decision and should only be made with a clear head and should be a decision you can support over time. Emotionally charged decisions are not wise ones-even when those emotions are
completely valid.

4. What are your intentions with the divorce? Are you hoping that starting the divorce process will be a wake-up call for your spouse? It is not wise to use divorce as a tool to improve your marriage. It really is a last resort. Divorce means the end of a marriage.

5. Can you deal with the negative feelings of divorce? Divorce brings many negative emotions to the surface. Hurt, disappointment, anger, failure, shame, rejection among other feelings. Will you be able to manage them?

6. Are you ready for your Children’s upset feelings and unpredictable behavior? Your kids may be sad and angry-even at you. Are you prepared to deal with their changing needs?

7. Your lifestyle may be vastly different. Divorce causes rifts in the family’s financial structure. Are you perhaps ready to downsize, reduce your expectations and face uncertainty and maybe insecurity?

8. Are you ready to take control of your life? Whether it was you wanting the divorce or your spouse, are you ready to move forward in a healthy way without holding onto bitterness?

What To Consider Before Divorcing

The good news is that you can make an informed decision. And if you eventually do decide to take the route of divorce there are ways to do it where you would not be drained emotionally and financially. Here at Divorce Harmony we believe in helping people get divorced in a natural, healthy way where the 2 parties decide together what they will do-and not leave it to a disinterested Judge and expensive, dueling Attorney’s to decide.  Through mediation you can actually have a peaceful and collaborative divorce process.

The above steps are all very important questions to ask
yourself before moving forward. If you would like more information about
deciding whether to get a divorce and the impact it may have on your life and
your children’s lives please contact us for a free 20-minute consultation. We
can work on a plan custom fit for you and what you want and hope for the
future. [email protected] or (917) 353-5153 or leave your information below and we will find a time that works for you.

 

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Why Is Getting Divorced So Expensive??

Expensive Divorce

Why so Expensive?

Why is it so expensive to get divorced?  Well, think about why you’re getting divorced in the first place. It’s usually because of some form of lack of communication, lack of trust and/or loss of respect for your spouse. Now, how do you go about divorcing peacefully when you have these major issues with this person? Is it possible to get divorced without the melodrama and avoid the big expense?

What actually goes down in a divorce proceeding? How much is emotional and how much is the stuff that needs to be put down on paper to finalize the thing? A major majority is the emotional bomb and only a small percentage is the actual meat and potatoes of the divorce proceeding.

Expensive Divorce

How to Utilize Your Attorney

For many getting divorced, this will be the first time they are dealing with a lawyer. They do not realize how much the hourly fees add up to. They spend the first few months just fighting and then they drain all of their savings on what is essentially nonsense and do not have anything left to actually solve the problem and come to an agreement.

They don’t know how to utilize the lawyer and the lawyers are not telling them this! Much of divorcing couples’ problems should be addressed by other professionals whether that be a divorce coach, mediator and/or therapist. The legal system is not equipped to handle these circumstances.

Expensive Divorce

Options

Many people still aren’t aware of their options to avoid an expensive divorce. And by expensive I don’t just mean money. I’m talking about precious time that we only have so much of, your children’s well-being and your mental and physical health.

By utilizing professionals other then your divorce attorney, you can learn to come to a resolution with your ex in a more intelligent way allowing you both to get those meat and potatoes and move on in a more graceful less expensive way. Please contact divorceharmony.com for assistance with this.

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Are We Overusing The Term Narcissist?

Narcissist

Narcissist

I’m not a fan of labels. Every person on this earth comes with their own unique set of traits and sorting them into neat little boxes just doesn’t work. It seems like I hear the term “narcissist” every day. Are you married to a narcissist? How to deal with a narcissist. The victims of narcissists. And so on. But do we really understand the true meaning of the word? And are we overusing the term to the detriment of real victims and ordinary people dealing with difficult people the wrong way?

There is a spectrum for narcissism and everybody has a certain amount. Being on the spectrum does not mean you are a narcissist. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is an official mental health disorder that characterizes a group of people that fall fall so extremely high on the spectrum that they are considered ill. Just because you may have an inconsiderate, selfish partner does not mean they are a narcissist. When we over use the term, we trivialize real victims of narcissistic abuse versus your everyday variety jerk AND we assume that narcissism is always negative.

By putting people with bad behavior into a labeled box, it can make you feel better. It can make the victim feel like they are in the right. The other person is the sick narcissist and they are the suffering victim. They are interpreting the actions of others only as it affects them, essentially making others seem more selfish then them. This attitude may prevent the victim from actually seeing their own bad behavior. That’s why it’s vital that we don’t label people without the proper diagnosis. I work with many reputable psychologists and social workers that can assist with this.

Cases do exist where there are real narcissists. It’s the overuse of the word that is hurting everybody. Whether you require divorce coaching or mediation, Divorce Harmony can help you figure out how to best deal with your partner moving forward.

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Does Having Your Own Divorce Make You a Better Divorce Coach or Mediator?

Divorce Experience

Divorce Experience

Does having your own personal divorce experience make you a better mediator or divorce coach? So often I see other professionals explaining how they can relate to you because they’ve been through it. They know what to expect and they tell you their personal stories.  Of course there is some value in their divorce experience. But is it a prerequisite?

As someone who has been married for 16 years and does not have my own divorce experience, I would argue that being divorced yourself is most certainly not a requirement to be an effective divorce coach or divorce mediator. In fact, going through your own divorce  may hurt your ability to be a neutral professional.  Divorce is such a painful, life changing disruption and we are only human. Oftentimes I wonder how a mediator can remain neutral if he/she has been through a similar situation as their clients. Everyone has bias’ to begin with.  But add in your own personal divorce experience and the bias may be too much. Of course this doesn’t apply to every situation.

Additionally, someone going through a divorce does not necessarily derive value from hearing about the professional they hire’s personal divorce experience. And, I would venture to say most don’t care. They want to know how you can serve them in their own personal situation.

Your divorce is fundamentally a business transaction. Even with coaching I explain to my clients that their emotions should not play into deciding how to divide their stuff. This only ends up costing them more time and money.  Divorce is painful and the feelings associated with it are legitimate and we deal with them in a constructive way so as not to interfere with you having an efficient divorce.

Please contact divorceharmony.com to learn more about an efficient divorce experience. Whether you are looking for divorce mediation, coaching or document preparation, we can help.

 

 

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Judge or Mediator

Judge or Mediator

Judge or Mediator

ROLE

Mediator’s are often associated with Judges. They are seen as a third person that makes decisions for the two parties involved in a dispute. The reality is a bit more nuanced as mediators generally do not do the same function as a Judge sitting on a bench. The best scenario is when parties themselves come to an agreement themselves on their own terms with the Mediator facilitating the process by helping the parties communicate and identify their needs and goals.

CONTRIBUTIONS 

Since the Mediator is presumably a professional and has mediated many cases before he/she may have the experience to know what works and what generally doesn’t in most situations. The questions becomes does the Mediator put on the Judge hat and share this knowledge early on? By doing so does this threaten the process of the parties own self determination? As an intuitive Mediator and listener, I take this on a case by case basis and really get to know my  clients to see if my input would add value to their mediation. In some cases by speaking up, I can help the parties see something they normally would not have seen. In other cases, speaking up too quickly may just add to the conflict.

Judge or Mediator

Judge or Mediator

LAW

I have to walk a fine line between letting my clients know what the law is and giving legal advice. Even though I am an Attorney, giving actual legal advice would compromise my neutral status. But that doesn’t mean I can’t let them know about past case law and what happens generally in cases similar to theirs. It’s a nice framework to have in mediations.

WHO’S THE AUTHOR?

Many times my clients want me to come up with suggestions. I’m happy to do so, but in a very cautious manner. I don’t want one or both parties to think what I’ve come up with doesn’t benefit them or is biased in some way. I go out of my way to explain my rationale. But I believe this is part of my job as a Mediator to help the parties get to an agreement. So in a way, we do function as Judges but not in the standard way one might think.  Please contact divorceharmony.com for more information.