Meditation: Three Insights For a Kinder Divorce
It’s no accident that the words meditation and mediation are so similar. Both espouse a “middle way” focusing on becoming centered and self-aware and allowing one to engage in compassionate communication. As a practitioner of meditation and a certified divorce mediator, I’m constantly learning from both of these techniques and how each one benefits the other.
Divorce is usually thought of as a negative act involving stress, misunderstandings, feelings of betrayal and loneliness. All of these things are certainly valid and understandable but I try to show my clients that there is a way to circumvent much of the doom and gloom.
Often times, when couples divorce they don’t take the time to hit the pause button. Everybody hires attorneys and readies for the “fight”. A mediator, acting as a neutral third person, guides the parties to arrive at a mutually beneficial and respectful agreement without the stereotypical nastiness we’ve come to associate with divorce. More than anything, I’ve found the practice of meditation a hidden treasure in breaking down the barriers to a successful divorce.
Here are 3 insights for a Kind Divorce:
1. Remaining Calm and Balanced in the Face of Real Conflict
Initially, the divorcing couple usually displays intense emotions, and rightfully so. With meditation we are taught about having a state of awareness where a profound deep peace occurs when the mind is calm and silent, yet completely alert allowing one to focus on the present moment and react accordingly. During a mediation, when the couples are guided within a set structure they can reach that state of awareness before and while mediating. It’s a game changer when they can clear their minds like this!
2. Greater Sensitivity and No Judgement
The ability to see beyond the surface of a conflict or a hardened position in an argument and realize that there may be a completely unrelated underlying reason for that stance can move mountains in a divorce mediation. Basically, getting to the true heart of the matter and bypassing the external. That, along with the capability to not make judgments and be fluid with expectations allows for the start of a successful agreement.
3. Focusing on Commonalities
I find that the majority of couples just want to go on with their lives and raise happy children. When all is said and done they wish the same for their soon to be ex. Even though there’s probably disagreement and even feelings of animosity, if the spouses can find that sense of commonality it can lead to constructive problem solving and a collaborative environment.
I’ve seen the insights provided by mediation and meditation make a world of difference in so many family’s lives and it is my hope that in the future more couples will consider mediation before entering into protracted and contentious legal battles.